I have done one drawing so far this year. And with the realization that I don’t need to create art for the purpose of making money, I think some part of me, put up this block telling me that I don’t get to be an artist anymore. I started reading The War of Art by Steven Pressfield, and I see myself so much in his book and his description of the “amateur”. The Amateur thinks to deeply on the why, instead of the Professional, who just does the work and lets the ‘why’ come with the process. The Amateur is too focused on the title of “Artist”. It’s a little reassuring to know that this is a common place other artists find themselves in. I’m only part way through the book, so I am very interested to learn how he approaches moving from the amateur to the professional. But I’ve noticed recently that I feel distant from creating art. Which is weird because I never told myself I wasn’t going to, or not allowed create art anymore. I just wanted to expand my definition of art. Maybe so I didn’t feel like a failure that I didn’t “make it” as an artist. I think my intention was to take some of the pressure of creating/marketing off of myself, but I find myself feeling cut off from the visual arts world. But of my own doing. No one told me, well that is it – no more art for you! But somehow that is how I am feeling. Maybe I just need to get back into the doing. Be the professional instead of getting to far into my own mess of a brain. Maybe I can try the draw every day challenge again? I have never made it through all 365 days, I think the last time I did it I got through 58 days. Why should I do an everyday challenge though, if I want to relieve the pressure of needing to create? I do want to improve. I want to be a better visual artist. I want to explore and define my voice in this aspect. And I think that could help inform the other aspects of creativity that I want to explore, like writing. Maybe just a once a week drawing challenge? But if I want to do the work, do I really need to show up every day? That is one thing about Steven Pressfield’s book that I have been surprised about. He talks about how the Professional shows up to work every day – even if they are sick. But shouldn’t you be allowed to rest? And maybe he isn’t saying you need to put in a “full days” work, but just what you can on those days. Maybe the challenge needs to be to create art every day. And include all those other aspects I want to try. Then on the days I am not feeling like drawing, maybe I can try a poem, some other form of writing, or a different type of art. Then I am including all the parts of my new idea of creativity, and can grow in all of them. I want “Artist” to be part of my identity, but it doesn’t have to be the only piece.